


To Have Loved, And Lost

by SenjinSeadog



Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: Angst, Friends to Lovers, Lost Love, Lovers to Friends, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25238665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SenjinSeadog/pseuds/SenjinSeadog
Summary: On the day of his best friend's wedding, Vol'jin reflects on the relationship he and Thrall had shared in secret.
Relationships: Thrall/Vol'jin (Warcraft)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 7





	To Have Loved, And Lost

The light of dawn had cracked through the drapes of the bedroom as a figure stirred and shuffled under its covers. With a long groan the figure opened its eyes to the light only to squeeze them shut again. Vol’jin couldn’t bear to wake up this day. The heat of the isles prevented Vol’jin from sleeping with many furs on, opting out for a silk blanket that outlined his form. It was a sleepless night, filled with staring up at a dark roof along with the usual tossing and turning. But it was different this time. He wished this morning wouldn’t come.

Not today. Please not today.

It was one he was dreading ever since his dearest friend, Warchief, and lover had brought the news. Thrall was getting married. The Darkspear chieftain’s stomach sank as he remembered when Thrall had told him. He was so happy, grinning from ear to ear that he had someone he was going to spend the rest of his life with, raise a family, and grow old together. But Vol’jin? Vol’jin could only stare at the shaman as he felt his world growing cold. He felt an intense pain in his chest as Thrall’s words became muffled in his ears, his vision blurring as he felt tears welling in his eyes. And yet, through a choked voice and short breath, he said it.

“I’m so happy for you.”

Sitting up in his bed, Vol’jin could feel the tears running down his face. He was thankful his usual face paint was cleaned off, but at the same time he couldn’t care less. He was losing someone dear to him. Some he had shared his most intimate feelings and deepest emotions. He was losing Thrall, and there was nothing he could do. Wiping the tears from his face, Vol’jin got out of his bed, the beams of light seeping in roaming over his body as he pulled back the drapes to be bathed in the warmth the new day brought. He gazed out over the village from his view, seeing a few workers already getting their daily chores done. He couldn’t let his people see him like this today. He had to keep being the image of strength and will they saw him to be. It was a day of joy for many, and a day of grief for him.  
The chieftain closed the drapes and leaned against the wall, avoiding the light of the window trying to reclaim its domain. Closing his eyes, his mind drifted back to a better time for him. He could see it as clear as day. Him and Thrall, sitting atop a hill over seeing both their people coming together in union. That’s when it all started. Vol’jin could remember his appearance perfectly, from that long black hair that fell past his shoulders to that glimmer in his blue eyes. He was young, strong, and incredibly handsome. Vol’jin’s crush on Thrall started that day.

As the years passed their bond only grew stronger as they faced events that would bring Azeroth to the brink of destruction and back, and the two’s relationship would go even beyond that of friends. It felt like it happened almost suddenly. Vol’jin was walking along the shores of Bladefist Bay when he would see Thrall looking up to the stars. Their eyes met as Thrall seemed to almost sense Vol’jin’s presence, and in that moment the Darkspear knew there was something special between them. Something had grabbed a hold of the troll’s heart, and he knew it was his warchief. Thrall beckoned him closer to stand in the waters lapping at their feet. Vol’jin could only gulp as he did.

“Pleasant night isn’t it, friend?” Thrall said a smile as bright as the stars in the sky. The troll nodded, unable to speak at such a warming sight. The two stood next to each other staring up at the clear night sky.

“Vol’jin, there was something I wanted to discuss with you. This… is rather difficult for me to say,” Thrall had turned to the ground as he spoke.

“What be on your mind, Warchief?” Vol’jin looked to his friend. A deep chuckle met his ears. Vol’jin’s heart thumped harder at the sweet sounds.

“You needn’t call me that. But, that is on the path of what I wanted to talk about.” The troll listened; leaning in slightly to make sure he never missed a beat. Thrall sighed. Squeezing his eyes shut, he raised his head. “Vol’jin, I know many events has passed so quickly and we haven’t had it easy, especially for you and your people…” Vol’jin’s gaze dipped slightly thinking how his people had lost so many to the Sea-witch and her minions, “But in the time we have spent together, I’ve come to admire you, I have even started to… well…” The troll’s eyes widened as he watched Thrall’s cheeks start turning dark red.

“Thrall… yo-… you can not mean…?” Vol’jin was stuttering, his heart beating almost a million times per minute. The orc turned to him, their eyes locked as Thrall’s blue stared deep into Vol’jin’s. With a hesitant move, Thrall took Vol’jin’s hands, holding them with the gentlest grasp.

“Vol’jin, son of Sen’jin, leader of the Darkspear Tribe… I love you.”

Leaning against the wall, a hand clutched his chest over his heart. Those words echoed over in his head, taunting him. Looking off into the dark of the room, Vol’jin could only sigh. That night was the beginning of the end. And it only got harder to stop loving the old Warchief. He could picture the joy he felt spending time close and alone with Thrall, the way his smile shone even in the darkest of lights, the earthen musk that was so unique to him and him alone, the way he moaned Vol’jin’s name so sweetly as he laid underneath hi-. Vol’jin cleared that thought quickly from his mind. Now wasn’t the time for such distractions. The following years would help the two become closer, but it would also bring Vol’jin’s most difficult task.

“I’m sorry, my love. But I don’t think it’s the right time to make it known.”

The troll could only muster a sigh thinking back to that moment. Vol’jin had tried to convince his lover to be more open about their relationship but Thrall would always make up excuses. “My people would not understand. Many would look down on such things. Enemies could use such love against us.” The last one always made Vol’jin roll his eyes, not because he was wrong, but because he had doubts that the two of them wouldn’t overcome such low tactics. Even soldiers were finding love on the battlefield and the Warchief was still avoiding such matters like it was the plague. Yet he couldn’t stay mad at him. He had never felt happier in his life than when he was with his lover, and even with the threat of the Lich King rising in Northrend, it wouldn’t put a damper on his emotions. He would stay strong for Thrall, and he knew Thrall would do the same for him. Or so he thought.

Things had become grim after some years later. Deathwing had returned, and with him brought the Shattering leaving the world in devastation. Thrall had taken it upon himself to seek the aid of the elements, which meant leaving the Horde, and leaving Vol’jin. But he knew it was what he had to do. The night before his departure, Vol’jin had been called to Thrall’s private chambers; he mentioned something that the two needed to discuss. Making his way quietly in the shadows towards the large wooden doors, he slipped his way inside to see his lover sitting on his own bed with his head in his hands.

“Thrall, you be needing me…?” Vol’jin asked, an underlying apprehension in his voice. The shaman looked up at his friend, completely somber.

“Vol’jin, my dear friend,” Thrall stood, taking a few steps he stopped a short distance away from the Darkspear, “There is something I must tell you. About us…”

“Of course, what be troubling you?” Obviously tense, Vol’jin looked towards his friend. The orc sighed.

“As you know, I will be leaving tomorrow and I am not certain when I shall return, if ever. In this time Garrosh will take my title as Warchief and I wish for you to aid him as you have me.” Vol’jin had to resist sneering at the mention of the “Hero Orc”, a meaningless title meant only to calm the people, “And about us, friend…” Thrall looked Vol’jin dead in the eyes, that shining blue he knew so well now looked faded and dull, “Our relationship will be put on hold. Indefinitely.”

All in a moment it felt like an arrow had pierced the proud shadow hunter’s heart. He couldn't find the words as he stood there with his mouth open. Everything was feeling strange as a feeling of nothing had washed over him. He tried to lift a hand towards Thrall only to be cut off. “Please, we should accept this and leave as friends. With everything happening Vol’jin, I… need to focus on more important things.”

I need to focus on more important things.

Again, the tears were rolling down the troll’s face. Those very words that crushed him that night haunted him to this very day. It was at that moment Vol’jin finally knew that Thrall was no longer invested in the both of them, something the troll had to take in all at once. He couldn’t help but wonder just how long Thrall had already come to know that he no longer loved him. And clawing at the back of his mind, Vol’jin never knew if he was the problem between them. And he’d never know. A knock came at the Chieftain’s door rousing Vol’jin out of his depression.

“Master Vol’jin, Thrall of the Earthen Ring be here to speak wit’cha.” A voice called from outside. Vol’jin could only stare at the door with watery eyes.

“I will be down to speak with him soon.” He answered. Standing up and wiping the tears from his eyes, Vol’jin put on his most stoic face. Grabbing a casual kilt that lay on the floor, he clothed himself and took a deep breath. Time to face the music he thought to himself.  
Taking slow steps down the wooden staircase, the creaks screeched in the troll’s ears and alerted those in the room below. The occupants all looked up to see their chieftain still in the shadows looking back. And he was there, wearing robes that announced his new place as a shaman of the Earthen Ring. Thrall, former Warchief of the Horde.

“All of you, leave us. I be wanting for us to speak alone.” He commanded and one by one the other trolls left until it was just the two left standing together, alone. Vol’jin descended the rest of the stairs but he could only stand in place as he looked upon the orc. Thrall’s eyes betrayed his smile as the discomfort fell between them.

“My friend, it is so good to see you after so long.” Thrall spoke, the first to break the cold silence.

“Same to you, Thrall,” Vol’jin said, his yellow eyes boring into his opposites blue, “What business do you have here? I would’ve thought you’d be making the last arrangements for your wedding.” He could hear Thrall swallow a lump in his throat.

“That is what I wanted to speak to you about… I… I uh…” Thrall sighed, shaking slightly, “Vol’jin I want you to be there, please. I know our past has been stained but I still view you as my most trusted friend. It would be an honour if you could be there… please.” He begged, Thrall was begging but Vol’jin could only feel numb.

“I cannot, Thrall. You know I can’t see the man I love be lost forever to me.” Vol’jin turned and put a foot on the first step. “You go to this woman, you say your words of affection, and you marry her. This is the way it has to be apparently…” taking a few steps up, he heard the orc take a few forward.

“Vol’jin, please! I-“ he stopped as Vol’jin held up a hand. The troll turned to face him and even from where he stood, Thrall could see the tears running down Vol’jin’s face, dropping silently to the ground.

“Thrall…” he spoke in almost a whisper, “I’m so happy for you…”

With those last words Vol’jin looked away from Thrall as he continued walking up the steps and into the shadows. The orc would only watch as his best friend vanished from sight. His chest hurt knowing he wouldn’t be able to share today with him, but he knew it wasn’t meant to be. His eyes fell to the ground as he made his way to the outside world, stopping for a moment as he felt something rush down his cheek. He brought a hand to his face and sighed as he remembered the sensation. He was crying.

He hurt his friend today.


End file.
